


分手困难

by meiyouzhangjing, nineofcupsnpc



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Drama, Fluff, M/M, bowling?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 22:51:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17837525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meiyouzhangjing/pseuds/meiyouzhangjing, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nineofcupsnpc/pseuds/nineofcupsnpc
Summary: Due to circumstances out of his control, Yanjun ends up in a relationship with his coworker You Zhangjing. He doesn’t even like the man, but breaking up might be harder than he thought.✧ ✧ ✧Prompt:#72: High school or college au where playboy!Yanjun gets a dare from his friends to ask Zhangjing out. To his surprise they actually start dating, and after a while Yanjun’s friends start pushing him to break up with Zhangjing since they’re assholes and this was all a dare and Yanjun is meant to be a playboy. Cue a series of scenarios where Yanjun thinks he should break up with Zhangjing but then Zhangjing does something cute and endearing, so Yanjun mentally pushes the breakup further back like “oh shit maybe another day”. Eventually Yanjun realises he’s Whipped for Zhangjing and uh I haven’t really thought of an ending ;;





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> To the prompter, really sorry if this didn’t meet your expectations! I’ve been swamped with schoolwork this semester and I don’t have much energy to write anymore. To whoever submitted the prompt, if you have any complaints, please DM me somewhere and let me know how I can fix it. Upon the prompter’s request, I am also willing to extend the fic given that I find the time to do so! And thank you to everyone for reading! Also I hope that title makes sense? I’m in third level Chinese but my Chinese still sucks ass lmao.

It isn’t unusual for Yanjun’s friends to act like this. Every since they found out about Zhangjing’s attraction towards him (and they found out pretty much the second after they met him), they had started teasing Yanjun about it. The group of boys took every opportunity they could to visit Yanjun at work and pester him about Zhangjing’s cute “unrequited crush”. Really, Yanjun felt bad. Over the course of the three months they had been coworkers, Yanjun caught Zhangjing staring at him on multiple occasions, to many to count. Everytime Yanjun would smile and send the older male a little wave, Zhangjing’s face would turn bright red and he would quickly go back to whatever work he was supposed to be doing in that moment be that checking out shoes for customers or polishing the lanes. It was sad. Yanjun, being very popular with the ladies, would steal Yanjun’s attention for half of the day. Of course, he himself didn’t mind having girls fawning over him, but he does feel a little guilty everytime he glances over at Zhangjing and sees the defeated look on his face. At the same time, Yanjun is also a little annoyed. It’s not like it’s his responsibility to keep up this whole fantasy for Zhangjing, Yanjun deserves to be able to flirt with and mess around with whoever he wants. Still, he has a soft spot for Zhangjing and makes sure to do something nice for the man after he’s done flirting. Maybe he was leading Zhangjing on in a way, but he couldn’t stand to see those longing eyes staring at him like that.

 

The two are having another one of their after-hour bowling competitions with their coworker Linkai, Yanjun’s friends spying on them from another lane. Yanjun has his phone connected to the bluetooth speakers, blasting his usual playlist. He’s not playing as well as usual, scoring a steady stream of 6’s and 7’s. Annoyed, the man pouts and crosses his arms over his chest after he finishes his turn. Unsurprisingly, he can feel the eyes of Xuxi, Jeffrey, Honglin, Chenle, and Dinghao all focused on his every move. They were always like this when they saw him and Zhangjing together. Yanjun makes a mental note to ban them all from ever staying after hours again.

 

While Zhangjing is lining up to take his shot, cutely wiggling his butt as he searches for the perfect way to position his body, a notification appears at the top of Yanjun’s screen. After taking a quick peek up at Zhangjing to make sure he’s busy, Yanjun unlocks his phone and opens his WeChat. 

 

_小太阳☀️ (Lu Dinghao): Are you checking out his ass?_

 

_ Bei Honglin: I saw him giving you heart eyes earlier Ba ge, he keeps looking away everytime you turn back to him _

 

_ President Chenle: yo, stop teasing my homeboy Yanjun _

 

“Who are you talking to?” Zhangjing plops down next to him and Yanjun tries not to make it obvious that he’s turning his body away from the other man, trying to find an angle that would keep his messages safe from his coworker’s curious eyes. 

 

“No one,” he manages to keep his cool, though he probably just comes off suspicious when his friends start cooing and giggling a little too loudly three lanes down. Zhangjing seems to accept his answer, turning to watch Linkai roll yet another strike.  _ How is he so good at this game?  _

 

“Yo bro, it’s your turn,” the self-named ‘Lil’ Ghost’ saunters back to them, a prideful grin tugging at his lips as he holds up a “六” hand sign* and shakes his wrists. ( [ https://www.jiuwa.net/tuku/20180512/kAAyH9Ap.gif ](https://www.jiuwa.net/tuku/20180512/kAAyH9Ap.gif) )

*(I really don’t know how to describe this, but it means like “cool” or “lit” in Chinese lol)*

 

Yanjun stands up and walks over to the bowling track to pick out his ball. 

 

“Can I pick the next song?” Zhangjing asks, already leaning over to grab Yanjun’s phone. Yanjun, thinking nothing of it, says “yes” and continues on with his turn. When he returns to his seat after knocking down eight pins, Zhangjing’s face is the shade of a tomato and he’s smiling, lip caught between his teeth. As weird as it is, Yanjun doesn’t see it as anything out of the ordinary. That is, until he turns on his phone screen and sees Xuxi’s text in the middle of the notifications on his screen. Realizing that the other man must have seen it, Yanjun’s heart drops.

 

_ Sushi🍣: Yanjun, when are you going to ask him out? _

 

“Uh…” Yanjun stares at the man next to him, a sinking feeling in his gut when he sees Zhangjing biting his lip and staring at him expectantly. Now, he really can’t find it in himself to break Zhangjing’s heart, not when the man is looking at him like he’s some sort of saint. “Hey Zhangjing, can I talk to you for a second?” he asks, cringing as soon as the words leave his mouth. Oh well, no backing out now. 

 

As the two head towards the supply closet, Yanjun’s friends whistle and yell in the distance. He’s a nervous wreck, that much is evident, but his and Zhangjing’s reasons for being nervous are completely different. That only makes things worse. Zhangjing probably thinks Yanjun is nervous because he likes him, when that couldn’t be further from the truth. Yanjun stalls for a while, taking stock of their gatorade bottles, trying to put off the confession though he knows it's inevitable. 

 

Assuming that Yanjun is just shy, Zhangjing takes his hand and smiles at him, ”Yanjun, I think I know why you brought me back here.”

 

Yanjun squeaks, cheeks going red, “Oh really? Haha why is that?”

 

Within seconds Zhangjing is on his tiptoes and kissing him softly, “I like you too, Yanjun. Actually, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve liked you for a long time.”

 

Yanjun wants to laugh because  _ how could he not notice _ ? He also wants to cry because he can’t think of any possible way to get out of this situation without hurting Zhangjing’s feelings. Unsure of what to say, Yanjun just stands there, twiddling his thumbs. His blush brings a coo out of Zhangjing, who squishes Yanjun’s cheeks between his palms.

 

“Yanjun, you don’t have to be embarrassed~” Zhangjing brings him down for another kiss, which yanjun whines into because he hates his life. Zhangjing just giggles and calls him cute.

 

When they come out of the closet (Yanjun hates the irony of that phrase), both men’s lips are red and swollen from kissing. They’re immediately met with screaming and teasing words from Yanjun’s friends. Zhangjing just blushes and reaches for Yanjun’s hand. Yanjun wonders how Zhangjing could be blushing when he practically had his tongue shoved down his throat like a minute ago. 

 

“Do you want to get dinner later?” Zhangjing asks him quietly and Yanjun wonders if this day could get any worse.

 

“Uh, sorry. I have some school work to catch up on. Maybe some other time?” Yanjun lies, but stalling is better than nothing. 

 

“Okay!” Zhangjing grins, too excited to be disappointed by something so minimal. 

 

After they finish their game, Yanjun not making one move to look at the groupchat, Zhangjing, Yanjun, and Linkai quickly lock up and go their separate ways.


	2. Two

“Yanjun, you always go out with us!” Dinghao frowns at him as he stabs his spoon into his ice cream to dig for M&M’s, “If you don’t go it’s going to be boring. You’re the only one that ever gets any action. We’ll look like a bunch of losers if none of us gets a girl.” 

 

Honglin shakes his head and points his spoon in Dinghao’s direction, “Think of it this way, Haohao. The reason none of us can get any girls is because Yanjun is always stealing the attention. If they have no hot guys to compare us to, then we’ll have a better shot. It’s a good thing.” 

 

Dinghao gasps and grabs his friend’s arm, “Bei Honglin you’re a genius!”

 

“Lin Yanjun please come with and save me from these disgusting heterosexuals. I can’t make it on my own,” Chaoze pleads from his seat next to him. His ice cream has pretty much melted into soup at this point, but Chaoze is too focused on his impending doom to care.

 

“Um, since when was I not a heterosexual?” Yanjun raises an eyebrow, and salvages the last bit of ice cream from his bowl before throwing it away. Once he returns to his seat a receives a smug look from Chaoze who just sits there with a smirk on his face. 

“Since you got a boyfriend. Who would have thought it was possible that you got dick before me, the only gay here. I’d be upset if I wasn’t so impressed.”

 

“I didn’t-” Yanjun sighs in frustration and rubs (maybe a bit too aggressively) at his temples. “We aren’t  _ actually  _ dating. I’m going to break it off with him as soon as I get a good chance too. And why don’t you just invite Jeffrey to go with you? He’s gay.”

 

“First of all, if I invited Jeffrey he’d try to get me to go home with him instead of some other guy, so no thanks. He might seem shy but I’m telling you, that man can be persistent. As for Zhangjing, I don’t see why you weren’t just honest with him from the get go. That poor boy is going to get his heart broken, this is why I hate straights,” Chaoze frowns at him and stirs his spoon, drawing swirls in his dessert. 

 

“As I recall it was you guys who started this mess in the first place. I wasn’t planning on asking him out, but he looked so happy. Turning him down would just be mean,” Yanjun whines and rests his head on the table, which admittedly is pretty gross because the mall’s food court tables are probably only cleaned once or twice a day.

 

“Do not lump me in with those buffoons! I wasn’t even there when that happened,” Chaoze wears an offended expression and crosses his arms over his chest. 

 

“My point still stands. Either way, none of this is my fault, but I’ll fix it soon, don’t worry about it guys,” Yanjun promises his friends, which finally shuts them up. Thankfully, they don’t bring it up for the rest of the night save for a few teasing jokes here and there.

 

* * *

 

It’s been three days since Yanjun’s last seen Zhangjing, so Yanjun’s quite obviously nervous walking into work. Aside from a few text messages back and forth, the two haven’t spoken.

 

The man is hoping to get a little more time to himself before Zhangjing arrives. That way, he can prepare himself for their interactions. How should he act around the other man? Surely things would be different now that they’re dating, but Yanjun isn’t quite certain how far he should go with this whole boyfriend thing. Sure, he could just give the man the cold shoulder. Maybe it would help soften the blow of their inevitable break up? However, Yanjun doesn’t think he has it in himself be so cruel towards the other man. Zhangjing looked ecstatic the other day at work. Would it really be so bad to prolong is happiness just a bit longer? I mean, who was he to break the poor man’s heart?

 

The older male is earlier than usual, situated at his special spot behind the counter (nestled into the corner by the doors so he could easily greet customers as they walk inside). As soon as his eyes meet Yanjun’s, Zhangjing’s expression brightens.

 

“Hi Yanjun!” he waves. Yanjun  cringes smiles back and takes his nametag out of his employee cubby before joining him behind the counter.

 

After that moment, their interactions are surprisingly sparse. Yanjun passes the time by counting the cash in the draw over and over again. Zhangjing is seated on the floor, bowling ball caged by his legs as he polishes it with a rag. Yanjun makes the mistake of staring at him too long. It’s almost as if Zhangjing can feel eyes on him because within seconds their eyes meet. The man smiles and raises a flirtatious eyebrow, which makes Yanjun feel as if he’s been caught red handed. With what, he’s not entirely sure but it brings a light blush to his cheeks as he hesitantly waves down at his coworker. He’s quite used to this sort of attention from girls, so something like this shouldn’t throw him off so much. Yanjun wonders if Zhangjing being a boy has any sort of impact. It’s not like Yanjun is homophobic or anything (he wouldn’t have went along with this whole dating thing if he was), so maybe it’s a matter of unfamiliarity?

 

* * *

 

The two girls checking out shoes have been loitering by the counter for so long that Yanjun wonders if they’re even there to bowl. Not that he minds. The man is used to the constant flirting. It’s quite fun, actually, and without any other work responsibilities to take care of, he entertains them for a bit to make the day go by faster. The lowered voice, teasing stare, the way he flexes his forearms as he leans against the counter. By this point, Yanjun has mastered all the methods to make girls melt right in front of his eyes. And who would stop him? His manager, Qin Fen, spends nearly the entire day stowed away in his office playing games on his phone. 

 

Zhangjing’s expression is stormy as he stalks towards them. Yanjun wonders what could have possibly upset the ball of sunshine so much, staring at Zhangjing as if he’s grown another head. Zhangjing is behind the counter within seconds, a bit closer than necessary as he stands by Yanjun’s side.

 

“Baby, what are you guys talking about over here? I’ve been trying to get your attention for the past ten minutes.I can’t move the ice cream freezer to clean behind it, so I need your strong arms to help me.” As if to emphasize his point, Zhangjing rubs Yanjun’s bicep and smiles sweetly over at the customers. 

 

Meanwhile, Yanjun’s face has gone completely red while the two girls frown with disappointment. Now would be a great time to mention that in fact no, he’s not gay. Bicurious, maybe. However that’s a facet of himself he’s keep hidden away safe within his brain ever since he started playing with the idea at the age of fourteen. In any case, he’s still very much into girls. Maybe the effort would be futile. In any case, he’s in a relationship now, so maybe flirting wasn’t the smartest choice. 

 

But then again, maybe this was a perfect opportunity to tell Zhangjing the truth? If he let the man down early, then he’d save him from more heartache in the future. Still, he worries about embarrassing Zhangjing if he chooses to break things off in front of these girls. “Um,” Yanjun lips stretch into a sheepish smile and he pats Zhangjing’s hand curled around his arm, “would you two mind leaving us alone for a moment?” As soon as the girls are gone, Yanjun swivels to the side to face Zhangjing, who is glaring at him with a childish pout on his lips. 

 

“Don’t flirt with girls when you have a boyfriend!” Zhangjing smacks Yanjun’s arm and crosses his arms over his chest, “I know it’s sort of a habit for you and you might not even be consciously doing it, but could you at least try to stop for me?” A frown crosses the man’s face and his shoulders fall, “It’s just… I don’t know, I’ve liked you for so long and I’m worried that if you start talking to pretty girls, you’ll like them more than me.” 

 

The look on Zhangjing’s face is so pitiful that Yanjun instantly feels his stomach drop in shame. Really, how could he do that to Zhangjing? Sure, when he was flirting with those girls, the thought that he and the other man are in a relationship didn’t cross his mind, but maybe it should have. Yanjun didn’t have the best reputation as being a caring partner, so it’s not really a surprise that he already fucked up, but he usually doesn’t feel this guilty about it. Maybe it’s because he’s known Zhangjing for a while; he considers the two of them to be friends. Yanjun also blames the disheartened look on Zhangjing’s face. Unable to help himself, Yanjun pulls the shorter man into a hug, ignoring the choked noise Zhangjing makes when his face collides with Yanjun’s chest.

 

“Sorry,” Yanjun speaks softly and he must be on another level of crack because the next sentence that comes out of his mouth his- “Why don’t I make it up to you by taking you on a date tomorrow?” Zhangjing’s face instantly brightens as if the thought of Yanjun ever actually doing such a thing never crossed his mind. 

 

“You mean it?” he asks pulling away, hair disheveled by the surprise attack of affection. The hopeful look in his eyes makes it impossible for Yanjun to take anything back now.

 

“Of course,” Yanjun replies with a smile even though everything in his brain is telling him that this is a horrible idea. Oh well, what’s the worst that could happen? It’s just one date, right? 


	3. Three

“What?” Zhangjing’s smile falters slightly after he opens the door. Yanjun has yet to react for the last fifteen seconds and he’s starting to get concerned that that something is wrong.

 

“Huh? Oh, nothing. I’ve just never seen you outside your uniform,” Yanjun’s cheeks warm as he lets out an embarrassed laugh. Was he really staring that hard? He didn’t even notice. Zhangjing has ditched their usual uniform (a black polo, black skinny jeans, and a pair of bowling shoes) for a soft white turtleneck, tapered black slacks, and black dress shoes. On top, he has an light pink shirt, unbuttoned, which makes him look more gentle and huggable. He’s never seen the man looking so dressed up and honestly, he’s shocked. Who would’ve thought Zhangjing would clean up so well?

 

“Same here,” Zhangjing’s smile returns, brighter than before. “You look really handsome,” he adds, fingers fiddling with the edge of his sleeve while his other hand lies idle on the doorknob. The two say nothing for what feels like minutes before Yanjun can’t stand it any longer.

 

“So, are you ready to go?” Yanjun asks to fill the silence between them, shifting the weight between his feet. It makes sense for himself to feel awkward, Yanjun supposes. Although he’s been with plenty of women and flirts on a daily basis, Yanjun doesn’t have much experience with  _ dating _ . In fact, that last time he actually took a girl to dinner was in high school. He supposes things will start to feel more natural as the night progresses. Zhangjing is his friend, right? Yanjun has gone out to eat plenty of times with his friends. This shouldn’t be any different.

 

* * *

Yanjun is surprised by how well the date goes. The awkward tension built between them earlier quickly dissipates when Zhangjing starts talking about his passions. First, there’s his foodie blog on Instagram that he makes sure to take a picture for as soon as their meals arrive (maybe he also snuck a picture of Yanjun too, but he’d rather keep that information to himself). He runs it along with some freshman named Chengcheng whom he’d met in his speech class the previous semester. Then, Zhangjing moves on to the love of his life, music. Yanjun already knew about Zhangjing being a music major, it’s not like he ever tried to hide it. The man had grown to admire Zhangjing’s beautiful voice after many nights of post-closing “karaoke” sessions after work. Zhangjing also made sure he was the one to sing happy birthday to anyone having a party at the bowling alley. However, Yanjun learns that Zhangjing is also a vocal coach on the side and had taught Ziyi, one of Yanjun’s teammates in basketball back in high school. 

Throughout the meal, Yanjun hadn’t manage to get much in, leaving their conversation mostly one sided. He doesn’t mind, though. Seeing the sparkly look Zhangjing gets in his eyes as he speaks leaves Yanjun with a warm sensation spreading through his chest. To be honest, it was nice to see someone so enthusiastic about their dreams. Even now as a college student, Yanjun isn’t really sure what direction his life is headed. Sure, he’s got his major, English, figured out, but he doesn’t know what he’s going to do with it. Travel? Maybe, but he can only do so much before he needs to settle down with a real job. Yanjun figures that Zhangjing might be a good influence on him. Maybe some of his fervent spirit would rub off?

Still, thinking about his future has Yanjun worried once again about their relationship. Really, he shouldn’t keep up this charade for too long. Yanjun reasons with himself that it would be good for Zhangjing if they broke up. The man really shouldn’t be wasting his time in a relationship, not when he has passion like that. If he focused on school and his job, then surely he’d be more successful than if he had a boyfriend there to distract him from his goals. 

That’s why when the two are huddled together, shuffling towards Yanjun’s apartment as they try to share their warmth, Yanjun stops suddenly to turn towards the man. This is it. Perfect opportunity and excuse to initiate the break up. Yanjun would come off as kind if he was able to justify his reasoning in this way. Telling someone to follow their dreams, that’d at least be a little inspirational, right? Something for Zhangjing to focus on instead of the break up.

Except, when Yanjun halts, his foot crosses in front of Zhangjing’s causing the man to trip. Acting on impulse, Yanjun grabs the fabric of Zhangjing’s shirt and pulls him back into his chest, quickly wrapping his arms around him. When said man finally turns to face him, eyes widened into moons as he tries to catch his breath, he is unable to speak. 

“Zhangjing’s what is it?” Yanjun asks, brows furrowing in concern. Zhangjing’s face instantly flushes red and he quickly reaches his hands up tp cover his face.

“Nothing! I’m just, uh, shy or something,” Zhangjing’s explanation comes out muffled, but it’s clear enough for Yanjun to make sense of it after a few seconds. 

“What do you have to be shy about? Aren’t we dating?” Yanjun questions, cringing when the last part comes out of his mouth. It’s probably not a good idea to remind Zhangjing of that right before they break up, but it’s too late now to take it back.

“Well, to be honest,” Zhangjing removes his hands and bites his lip, eyes pointing down at their shoes. “It’s embarrassing and corny, but I always wanted to be held in your arms like that,” he admits with a giggle before bringing Yanjun into a hug so he can feel the warmth of his boyfriend’s arms around him once again. 

Yanjun feels the wind knock out of him, as his heart flutters in his chest. Okay, even he has to admit that was adorable. And how is he supposed to reply to that? Zhangjing looks so happy snuggled into Yanjun’s embrace that Yanjun decides that it wouldn’t hurt to let the man enjoy himself for a little while longer. Not wanting to ruin the night by admitting the truth, Yanjun just gives the older man a dimpled smile and walks with him the rest of the way home, ignoring the voices in the back of his head telling him that this is a bad idea.


	4. Four

A few weeks pass after their first date, Yanjun making many unsuccessful attempts to break up with the other man. Every chance he had to come clean was ruined by something Zhangjing did.

 

One of the earlier instances, the one that first made Yanjun question if he’d ever actually have the balls to admit the truth, was on their third “date” at the mall. Before work, the two of them had decided to peruse the various stores, Zhangjing forcing him to stop at at least ten different places before they were finally able to take a rest in the food court. Yanjun thought that maybe it would be best to break up with Zhangjing there. Maybe if the break up was more casual, it would be less traumatic for the other man? While they were in the middle of sharing about three orders of fries dumped out on a napkin covered tray, this boy walked up to their table, eyes focused directly on Zhangjing.

 

“Oh, hey! Long time no see!” the man greeted, acting as if he hadn’t been staring down their table for the past ten minutes from across the room. Zhangjing, who had been interrupted mid-sentence while ranting about this dude from his calculus class, turned his head only to drop his jaw in shock once he recognized the man in front of him.

 

“Wenjun?” Zhangjing’s cheeks instantly turned this light shade of pink, entirely too familiar to Yanjun. Said man couldn’t help but frown at the sight. Sure, he’d been planning on breaking up with the man for the past five days, but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel a little bothered by the sight of some dude flirting with his boyfriend (hint: Wenjun wasn’t even flirting). Admittedly, it was a little unfair for him to get jealous considering he himself had been flirting with those girls a few days ago, but Yanjun conveniently decided to ignore that bit of information.

 

“It’s nice to see you! We live in the same town but I really haven’t seen you around since high school. Remember that huge crush you had on me?” Wenjun’s question brought a panicked look on Zhangjing’s face, who quickly glanced back at Yanjun with widened eyes before looking back at his former classmate.

 

“Haha, yeah um, those were the days…” the man spoke, obviously not in favor of continuing on with this conversation topic. Yanjun didn’t know what he was more upset about, the fact that this dude was totally stealing Zhangjing’s attention away from him or the fact that he had not looked in Yanjun’s direction or even noticed his existence once in this conversation.

 

“Hey well, um, I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to catch up sometime soon? There’s this milk tea place by my apartment and I was thinking we could go there?” Wenjun offered and Yanjun immediately went into action, hooking his foot around Zhangjing’s ankle under the table in some sort of “footsie” action while he cleared his throat.

 

With Wenjun’s attention finally on him, Yanjun glared at the other man. “Sorry, I think he’s gonna be busy,” he explained, not blinking once. Not even when Wenjun’s face instantly morphed into a panicked expression.

 

“But I didn’t even say when-”

 

“I said he’d be busy,” Yanjun held his stare, not daring to break it until Wenjun did it himself. Zhangjing, who sat gaping at the two men from across the table, quickly tried to diffuse the situation.

 

“How about we talk about this later? Just send me a message on wechat or something,” he offered, putting on a sheepish smile as he tried to subtly gesture for Wenjun to leave.

 

When Wenjun left, Yanjun honestly expected to be chastised by his boyfriend because honestly, he deserved it. However, the wide smile that pulled at the corners of Zhangjing’s mouth left him feeling confused.

 

“You don’t have to get jealous, Yanjun. I’m almost one hundred percent sure that Wenjun is straight.” The dumbfounded look on Yanjun’s face had him cracking up and teasing his boyfriend for the rest of the night, even during work.

 

* * *

 

The fifth, most recent attempt to break up with the man, was when they went cliff jumping. This time, even Yanjun knew the timing was shitty from the get-go, but he was starting to become desperate. At this point, he was looking for any small excuse or opportunity to break up. The plan was to go have one last fun day with Zhangjing, enjoy it while it lasted, and prepare himself for Zhangjing hating him for the rest of his life.

 

The two showed up to the cliff together, clad in their swim shorts. Zhangjing refused to remove his shirt, claiming that he was too shy to show off his body. Yanjun decided to do the same in solidarity, not wanting Zhangjing to feel uncomfortable being the only fully clothed person there. Even though it was hot, Yanjun didn’t really care. He could bare the few minutes of heat before they plummeted into the water.

 

As they approached the edge, Zhangjing’s expression started to become more apprehensive, constantly glancing back at Yanjun with those wide eyes.

 

“Cold feet?” Yanjun joked, giving Zhangjing’s shoulder a gentle pat. It was enough to make the man yell and grip onto his boyfriend’s forearm for dear life, legs shaking underneath him like jello. Feeling guilty, Yanjun winced and tried his best not to make any more sudden movements, not wanting to scare the other man.

 

“Are you sure this is safe?” Zhangjing questioned, peering over the ledge before quickly leaning back to stand in his original position. “Aren’t there like rocks down there? Couldn’t we die?”

 

“Don’t worry, I’ve done this before. It’s safe,” Yanjun reassured him with a dimpled smile, a sight that had Zhangjing’s legs weak for an entirely different reason. That’s when Yanjun felt the man’s hand slip down to grab his own, lacing their fingers together before clenching tightly.

 

“Okay,” Zhangjing closed his eyes and took a deep breath before turning to the other man, “I trust you.”

 

Though Yanjun could still feel perspiration from Zhangjing’s palm soaking into his skin, the man looked like he was ready to completely let his guard down, willing to risk his own safety to prove his trust. The wind blew Zhangjing’s curls off of his face and his pupils dilated as they bore into Yanjun’s.

 

Even with the attention he’d gotten all his life from girls, from adults, from classmates complimenting him on his looks and his charm, Yanjun had never felt so adored by someone. Flustered by the sensation, Yanjun’s cheeks warmed and he quickly looked away, unsure of what to do in a situation like this.

 

Before he had time to process what was happening, Yanjun felt a rough tug on his arm and soon his feet were off the ground. Luckily, the man was able to remember to hold his breath before their bodies hit the water and as soon as he resurfaced, Yanjun laughed and splashed Zhangjing in revenge.

 

“You scared the shit out of me!” his complaint goes ignored by Zhangjing who is too busy laughing to care about the fact that he almost gave his boyfriend a heart attack.

 

When Zhangjing kisses his cheek, Yanjun feels butterflies but along with those comes an uncomfortable sense of dread curling in his stomach.

 

* * *

 

During the following two days, Yanjun is left crumbling under the guilt he feels towards Zhangjing. It’s one of the few times Yanjun had actually begun to reflect on himself, to question all of his actions leading up to this point. It’s not like he hadn’t been feeling bad this whole time, but it’s now that the gravity of the situation really starts to weigh down on him. Yanjun hadn’t realized how strong Zhangjing’s feelings were. He could’ve been more observant. Paid more attention to him. Maybe then he would’ve realized that this wasn’t just a crush for Zhangjing. If he had just told him the truth from the beginning then he wouldn’t be in the situation he’s in now, just waiting to break the man’s heart.

 

Yanjun’s mood is obvious as they stroll through an empty park after their most recent date. It’s dark, leaving the two all alone in the seemingly abandoned area.

 

“You okay?” Zhangjing stops, Yanjun following his lead a second late.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

Yanjun’s smile doesn’t trick Zhangjing, who cups the man’s cheeks in his palms. His eyes drop to the taller man’s lips, but as soon as he leans forward, Yanjun jerks away, heart rate spiking in his chest.

 

Zhangjing sighs, a defeated look on his face. They stand there in silence, Yanjun’s heart slamming against his chest. Tears start to form in Zhangjing’s eyes and he crosses his arms over his chest, jaw clenched tightly.

 

“Yanjun, why don’t you want to kiss me?” he interrogates with a frown.

 

“No, I do want to kiss you it’s just-” Yanjun tries to argue, which only earns him an glassy eye roll.

 

“It’s okay, I know…” Zhangjing’s confession causes Yanjun’s blood to run cold.

 

“What do you mean Zhangjing? I don’t un-”

 

“Chaoze explained everything to me like a week after we got together,” Zhangjing runs his fingers through his hair in frustration, turning his body slightly to the side as he chooses to busy himself by staring at the lamppost. “I know it’s been like a month and I really should have told you earlier that I knew but… I don’t know, I thought it’d be nice to keep up the fantasy for a bit,” the man remains quite for a bit, as if he was waiting for Yanjun to say something. However, when the other man just stares, Zhangjing chooses to continue, ““You know I’ve never had a guy I liked return my feelings before? I’ve grown up watching all of those sappy romance movies with happy endings where the protagonists finally fall in love and I just- I don’t know I thought when I saw that message on your phone, maybe that could be me. Maybe I could finally have something like that.” He lets out a cold laugh and shakes his head. The next breath he takes in is shakey, “I grew up watching all of my girl friends getting sweet notes in their lockers from their crushes on valentine’s day. I listened to them go on and on about all the sweet things that their boyfriends did for them. And when I saw your friends telling you to ask me out I was so happy.”

 

Zhangjing looks so vulnerable like this, tears starting to roll down his cheeks while his voice cracked. Yanjun had never seen him so unhappy, like his most prized possession had been snatched away.

 

“When I found out that none of it was real, I don’t know… I guess I was just in denial? I thought that maybe if you started to spend time with me you would start to like me or something. That I could convince you that I was worth taking a chance on. Then on some of our dates I saw the way you looked at me and thought that maybe it worked. Maybe you really did start to return my feelings…I guess I got my hopes up too high.”

 

Really, Yanjun should feel relieved. This should be a godsend. They finally get to break up even though Yanjun didn’t have the bravery to initiate it himself. However, the only thing he feels now is regret. How could he do this to Zhangjing? Zhangjing who has been nothing but kind since the moment they met? Zhangjing who put so much trust in him only to have that trust shattered.

 

“I feel like this is the part where we break up, but can I please ask something from you first?” When Zhangjing finally looks back at him, Yanjun can see the redness in his eyes. “One last kiss. I want to feel special just this once.”

 

Yanjun, who has been silent since Zhangjing started to speak, lets out a shaky breath. This is what he wanted in the first place, but now that his feelings have changed, he feels like the weight of the world is crashing down on him. When he leans forward to connect their lips, Zhangjing makes a surprised sound in the back of his throat. The kiss is more passionate than expected. Confused, he starts to pull away only to be stopped by Yanjun’s hand firmly cupping his cheek. The latter deepens the kiss, leaving Zhangjing’s heart a fluttering mess. All he wants to do is melt into the kiss, to stay connected to Yanjun’s lips forever, but he’s confused. Why is Yanjun doing this? Why does he seem so desperate?

 

Zhangjing pulls away a second time despite Yanjun’s effort to stop him. When he finally gets a good look at the other man, he sees that Yanjun isn’t in any better shape than himself.

 

“Yanjun, wait. What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Zhangjing frowns. He’s frustrated, sad, confused. Shouldn’t Zhangjing be the one that looks like a mess right now? Isn’t it unfair that Yanjun is acting like this when _he_ is the one that broke Zhangjing’s heart?

 

Annoyed and with tears spilling out of his eyes, Zhangjing begins to walk away, only to be gently tugged back when Yanjun’s fingers wrap around his wrist.

 

“What?’ Zhangjing snaps at the younger man, chest heaving as he tries to make sense of what’s going on. He doesn’t deserve to have his heart played with like this. If Yanjun doesn’t love him, he should just let it go.

 

“Zhangjing, please, I fucked up so bad,” Yanjun takes Zhangjing’s hand into both of his own, breath hitching slightly as he cries. Zhangjing scoffs, _no kidding_.

 

“I’m so sorry, please don’t leave,” Yanjun squeezes his hand tighter and it’s a bit uncomfortable, but Zhangjing has more important things to worry about.

 

“What do you expect me to do, huh? I’ve had to deal with liking you ever since we met, so it’s going to take me a hell of a lot of time to get over it. Don’t expect me to feel bad just because you feel guilty that-”

 

“I love you,” Yanjun interrupts, voice as clear as he can make it with a throat rough from crying.

 

Zhangjing’s mouth locks shut, all of the fight in him quickly dissipating. The air between them is thick with silence and really all Zhangjing wants to do is stand there and cry.

 

“I love you,” Yanjun repeats, as if Zhangjing didn’t hear him the first time.

 

“You’re such a fucking asshole,” Zhangjing whines, “What do you mean ‘I love you’? When did that happen?” Yanjun shrugs, which Zhangjing finds incredibly annoying. He starts to get angry all over again, but decides to hear Yanjun out when he begins to speak.

 

“I guess your plan worked?” Yanjun smiles sheepishly, though the smile quickly vanishes when he sees Zhangjing’s glare. “I think you made me love you? I don’t know, I didn’t want to admit it to myself at first because I wasn’t sure, but now I’m certain that I have feelings for you. I know I’m a terrible person and I really don’t deserve your forgiveness, but can you please try to consider it?”

 

“Consider what?”

 

“Staying with me. I want to prove to you that I really do care about you. Please believe me when I say that this relationship hasn’t all been fake. Maybe at first, but I really like spending time with you and not just as a friend.”

 

Zhangjing takes a moment to think about it, Yanjun’s heart slamming against his chest as he waits for the man’s answer.

 

“Okay,” Zhangjing eventually breathes out.

 

“Okay?” Yanjun lights up, eyes shining with hope. When he gets a nod and a small smile from the other man, he pulls Zhangjing into his arms and holds him close, not daring to let go. “You won’t regret this You Zhangjing, I promise I’m going to make all of this up to you,” he grins, wiping his tear stained cheeks.

 

“Lin Yanjun I swear to god if you break my heart you’ll regret it,” Zhangjing pulls away to finish drying the man’s face for him. When Yanjun just giggles in response, Zhangjing tugs the man down by the front of his shirt for another kiss.


End file.
